dog3oy

some photos haunting my phone/camera

2012-01-30T20:01:00.000+11:00

so you cant miss where the filling fell out of my front teeth can you

see that door, that is where my desk is, right inside from the best smoking area on the planet.... so you can see why giving up is hard to do.

Yes, this is a giant inflatable jumping castle with slides in the airport, this is why Singapore airport rules...

if i could go back in time I'd sneak up on myself before i took this photo and steal my wallet. This street is filled with girly bars and restaurants. One of the best Vietnamese restaurants is on this street and after i ate several courses went on a phenomenal bender which was punctured by me vomiting up the fine dining experience in a car park before heading to the next bar for another bucket of beer.... that hangover took three days to get over.

So what can I share with you today

2012-01-30T18:48:00.003+11:00

So what can I share with you today

I’m back in Singapore and this time will be my last, the jobfinishes at the end of February and I’ll be once again pounding the pavement tofind a new job. This time it will be local and no more travel… so sick oftraveling.

I’m staying in a cute little hotel in Chinatown and as its Chinesenew year still there will be a parade this weekend so I get a chunk of clotureto go with this trip.

I’m also tempted as this is my last trip to play up, that’s rightI have the urge to take the services of a professional, it’s something I havebeen considering for years and I may just get the chance to do it…. Then again Ihave the urge to do many things and just let them pass…. Then again I justcould be exceptionally horny and with luck will save some money and work outthe issue with my left hand… and of course the erectile dysfunction bought onby stress, depression and generally poor body condition will result in mewasting the money on a naked person rubbing a limp noodle.

Awww forget it, I’ll just have a few drinks and watch TV inbed.

This really made me happy and sad

I'm thinking of doing something similar with my family and friends to have some digital reference to pass on to future generations.... not sure if when i propose this i'll get shot down with laughter but will suck up my pride and give it a go..

Also just to make the last trip interesting, I have a listof spices to take back home, I can see this is going to be fun, on my passport willbe stamps from Malaysia (yes, last trip to that shit hole) and Singapore and I’mdeclaring that I’m carrying spices… sure this will not be a problem. Hello fromBorder security.

I have also decided to fulfil my news year resolution of thepast 4 years and actually learn how to juggle three balls…. Then again likelast time I’ll watch how to do it on you tube and never get around to doing it.

Sooooo how’s your life today, mine is a little shitty.

The company phone

2011-12-22T15:34:00.001+11:00

The last post i put up a picture i took with the blackberry that the company gave me, now it was an old phone and looked like it had been passed around a lot.

So used the phone for a week and handed it back keeping the Sim card and used my phone.

But, before i did it down loaded the photos, thinking the photo from the previous post was the only one. For the past 3 months sitting in my computer was (i just deleted them) the photos from the previous users, i think from the photos there were three of them.

1: lots of photos of buildings, offices, pumps, workstations and a splattering of nice views from various countries.
2: pictures of kids, kids at the pool, kids playing on the beach, kids eating and a couple of one kid in hospital... all the same kids nothing creepy.
3: fucking hell this was one dirty bugger, there are photos of several different naked asian girls preforming various acts on i think is the same penis, this guy has been screwing around and taking photos of his exploits, there is even one of two girls giving him a BJ. but the best one is where he is screwing a girl up against the glass in his office.... i now know who this guy is. Not that I'll do anything about it but i know he is married and looks like the most respectable looking guy... dirty little bugger.

So the lesson learnt from this, wipe your phone, clear the memory and do a complete factory reset.

And if there are incriminationg photos on your phone then frequent download and delete would be a good habit to get into.

Fur

2011-12-22T15:21:00.002+11:00

the friendly skys

2011-12-14T21:11:00.003+11:00

So here I am in Malaysia, I know in my last post that it was the last place on earth I wanted to go but look where that got me.

This time it’s a little different, I flew Singapore airlines not Air Asia, why is this significant, well Air Asia is the budget airline that fly’s into the budget terminal which is no more than a fucking big shed with the worst customer service no customer no customer service and just very poor quality.

The best reason I can give for hating this airport, I had a flight booked from Singapore to Sydney, I had to get from Malaysia to Singapore to get this flight and I had booked it in a way that I had exactly 2.5 hours between flights, I had even gone to the airport the day before to drop my luggage into storage so I didn’t have to drag it around Malaysia or be caught up waiting for it to come out… So I leave the meeting and we get to the Low cost carrier airport (LCCA yes that’s what they call it..) and taxis here is another story… We get to the LCCA and book in at the ticket kiosk, which is just a printer with a screen… go through the first screening, immigration and security check, past the shops selling crap that you wouldn’t be able to fit on a plane… you can buy a lounge?. Anyway, I get to the sports bar, which I know I can get a beer and free wifi, 40min later the flight is called. So far So Good…. Check ticket with someone who really couldn’t give a crap and a gate number, oh yes its an outside airport so you get to take a stroll in the sun, and the heat and the 98% humidity and the jetwash and the stink of the baggage handlers…

So we get to the gate and there is a 16yr old girl looking at the crowd coming towards her with just a little fear in her eyes, as we all bottle neck at the gate she tells the first person you have the wrong gate and she doesn’t know what gate we should be at, well derrrr we can see that there is no plane, it’s not something we can miss, it’s a fucking big plane. So I watch as some people head back to the lounge some head to other gates in search of the plane (there is 50 gates) and others just stand around looking lost, I have my financial controller with me and neither of us wanted to walk around in the heat. Just inside the gate is a little guy with the walkie talkie, head set and a clip board, I give him a nod and ask him, where is the plane going to Singapore…. He jabbers something into the handset……. Jabba jabba comes back “we can’t find it” I snigger and get a jab in the ribs from the FC, so I ask the obvious question, how can you lose a plane… jabba jabba jabba again, “it hasn’t landed yet” Arrrrr now it makes sense, the idiot at the original gate didn’t check if the plane was ready before sending us out into the sun to find the plane that is missing… so trying to keep a little cool and remembering that I have a flight to connect to I ask… what now… jabba jabba “go to the transit lounge where everyone is going and we will call the flight when the plane is ready” ok, off we go.

Sitting in my sweat wet shirt trying not to think about it we watch the plane pull up to the gate we were at, people get off, cleaners run in, fuel pumped…. Then nothing…. Waiting, waiting trying not to watch my watch… until finally the same little girl comes in and before she can say anything a little Chinese guy yells “is that our plane and is it ready” all she does is nod and dive away as we stampede to the air conditioning that is promised within the plane.

So now already 30 min chewed out of my buffer we are in the plane and taxiing onto the runway, pilot comes on and preforms a miracle “sorry for the late departure, we will try to make up the time in the air”… how the fuck does this work… I don’t know. So usual flight Safety show, followed by being told twice to shut down my tablet, take off, nuts and drink cart races through the plane, duty free down and back, watch half a movie (it’s a 40 min flight) captain tells flight staff to prepare for landing….. and then…. Captain comes on again “we are currently approaching Singapore airport, but due to manoeuvre’s by the Singapore air force, we will have to circle for 15 min, we apologise for the delay and we will look to land as soon as possible” PoP! There goes my internal cool, I’m now counting down the time it’ll take to pick up my baggage and check in before the flight closes… its going to be close. Oh and just because I’m a paranoid idiot when I booked the flight I paid the extra $15 to get seat 1e, basically I’m the first out of the plane and hitting the airway bridge before the girl gets the first syllable of ”thank you for flying with Air Asia” out of her mouth,
Being a cheap airline we are at the furthest end of terminal 2 and I now need to get to the other end and take the skyrail to terminal 3, pick up my bags from the basement then back up to the checking desk and I now have 20min to do this.
Power walking mother fucker coming through.

I get to the check in counter and putting on the lost tourist dumb guy act I pop to the service desk and tell them I’m sorry I’m late but has the flight to Sydney closed, I know that there is at least 10 min to spare but didn’t want to wait in the never ending line to the desk. The guy behind the counter looks at me and gives me the “its ok you still have 10min before closing, let me book you in, please come around to the first class desk” booked, bag in and boarding pass in hand, I’m free for the next 80min before the flight boards…… now you need to be at the gate 40min before boarding…. Which is crap, its just 40 min sitting on your arse waiting for them to open the gate, I usually never get to the gate until 5 min before boarding as they board the families, first and premium first then the rest of us sheep later, so to the bar I go. I make a few work calls that need to be done and get into a heated discussion on one of the accounts and before i know it I have 10 min to get to the gate, through screening and pick up the duty free…. FUCK power walker again…

I get to screening and the queues are long but moving I join a queue and well as my luck finally crumbles in the shape of a half full baby bottle, an English lady with a baby and a husband arguing that there isn’t 100mils in the bottle. One thing I’ll give Singapore security, they don’t give a fuck who you are or what rational your using, if it doesn’t tick the box it isn’t going to happen. I can see the pre boarding dance starting at my gate, I can see the guys handing out the duty free and I can also see any overhead luggage space near my seat drying up really fast, (this is another travel quirk you need to get your head around if you want to be an efficient traveller) the argument ends when the husband slams the bottle into a bin and huffs his way into the gate area. So duty free in hand, boarding pass checked, seat found, luggage stored I sit my arse down with my new two best friends middle and window seat hoping that they won’t have their cushions filled. Bummer, not to be… knowing I’ll get no sleep and have the circus of Sydney immigration and customs to get through before getting a wiff of freedom…. Why the fuck do I do this to my self??
So that is the story of one of many traveling issues I have had with the universe and really can do without having to do this again, connecting flights…. Just don’t do it, Malaysia… don’t do it ether.

Oh, side note on Malaysia…. Why would a predominantly Muslim country insist of playing Christmas carols everywhere, even in the fucking toilets, the sound is haunting me

virtual therapist

2011-12-09T19:24:00.001+11:00

So I suddenly have a free moment and thought I’d use my free blogging therapist to get some shit out of my head

Where am i

I’m back in Singapore, have been for the past 3 months, living a strange and disconnected life, the family living in Sydney and me here, not the best idea I have had an once again a poor decision. Living in Singapore is a thrilling adventure but then any city can be a thrilling adventure if you look hard enough and use a little imagination. What have I been doing… working downloading TV to spend me weekends and evenings filled with something, I have visited every gallery in Singapore… no literally every one, I got a gallery guide and worked my way through it… if I see Marilyn Monroe depicted again in any fucking medium again I’m dropping my pants and smearing it with shit. Sorry. I have seen some great work and am inspired to do some work when I return home.

So in the past three months I have travelled al over the region and as fantastic as that may seem none of it was on my own time, I have seen the inside of offices and refineries in so many countries, I have seen the culture and lives of the countries and cities of the region through the windows of taxis and restaurants, usually the time between “you have to travel here” and boarding a flight leaves me with just about enough time to pack and exchange currency, no time to go mmmm if I take a day off I can go see yada yada yada.. nup and as its at the clients expense they are not going to move my return flight for me to kick beck for a weekend…. This being said I have enough frequent flyer points to transport a football team to almost any destination. I also found out that I’m now a super doper flyer member which entitles me to something…. Fucked if I know what and there is no way I’m sitting in a flight lounge looking like I got a cock in my arse just so I can drink free coffee. I’m thinking of just finding an easily accessible island and sitting on my arse and drink for long enough to forget the last three month then stop long enough to get the flight back.

Oh side note: my last flight to HK from Syd, I was sitting in the lounge which was next to Etihad boarding gate, anyway I sat down with a book, staked my claim to this little bit of space and waited for the boarding call. Two rows over there were to very worried looking attendants going through a guy’s bag to get at his boarding pass and passport, initially I thought the guy “had special needs” turns out he was so shit faced drunk that conscious has slipped him by.
So my book was in my hand but really I was watching the reality TV of this guy’s attempt at flying. After 10 min of “excuse me sir we are boarding now” there was a quick call out to security, and another to the ground crew as they would have to pull this guy’s luggage from the plane as he wasn’t going to be flying.
Another 10 mins later 4 police officers turn up and seeing just how out of it he was called the Ambo’s 10 min of standing around and they turn up and eventually get the guy to open his eyes, one ambo looked a little concerned and so he should, as the police were looking through his bag they came up with a box of sleeping tablets, turns out the dumb arse had popped 6 and followed it up with 3-4 beers. This set another flurry of conversations along the line of your going to hospital to do you have a prescription for this.
Silly little prick at this stage is sobering up really quick as it must have been a slow day at the airport because now we had 8 police and 6 ambos, I think when the poor fuckers sight cleared he would have seen the crowd of blue shirts and bright green overalls around him and puckered his little arse real quick.
He got his shit together enough to make a trip to the bathroom, escorted by 2 ambos and 2 policemen… performance pressure… hell yeah. Anyway by this time my flight was being called and I had to gather with the other 450 sheep to board out ocean hopping bus. Pity I would have happily sat and watched the drama role on… oh and the funny part was when he watched his flight back out from the gate and you could almost taste the pain the silly bugger was feeling.

Where was i…. oh yep, bitching about flying, meh wont bore you with the trips but here is the list of the places I have visited in the past three months… lets start at the top and work down shall we.. Shanghai, Beijing, Shenzhen Hong Kong Bangalore, Mumbai, Delhi, Gorgon, Chennai, Pune, Manila (and more of the Philippines islands than any man should ever see including an off shore oil rig that would have been great if it wasn’t the most frightening place on earth) I spent 24 hours in Tokyo, Jakarta twice, KL more times than I want to admit and my most hated destination EVER!!, Bangkok (during the flooding) and a few trips to Sydney and Melbourne.
3 months and I am still trying to catch up on issues that were old three months ago, there is a myth that you can travel and do business at the same time, its bullshit, there is no way when I travel I get 1-2 hours to sit down to get just some of the day to day done and if I do there is always an issue with connecting to the network, I ran up a bill on the phone by linking it to my laptop to get access to mail and try to gain a small foot hold into my mound of mail.
I have also learnt that when traveling to a new city there is just no point it trying to plan or prepare for where your going, I used to put in a good 2 hours to plan the taxi, the route to the office, where the hotel is and what if anything I should know about where I’m going…. Fuck that, get a copy of the address to your office and the phone number of someone competent in the office, arrive at the airport and take the first limousine service you come to and give them the address of the office and let them take the initiative, pay them whatever they want then if you get stuck call the competent person. Never ever, ever ,ever take the local taxi, only take one if the hotel gets one for you, the hotel wants you to come back preferable exhausted and hungry so any attempt to leave the hotel will be thwarted by the restaurant in the lobby.

Where am I now, well heading home, my youngest daughter is just about to start walking, my other is starting school next year and I think my son is looking forward to me taking some of the "only male in the house" pressure off him. I resigned last month with no job to go to and really not giving a crap… turns out they really want me so are giving me a few months of paid work in Sydney to transition the account to the next sucker….

OK enough, I now have to get some shit done before sneaking out to have a beer with the guy who had this job before me, fuck does have some issues to answer for… but I’ll let this slide, he is a nice guy and I’m so overdue a beer right now, as you can see from my last post the day has been under the cloud of a hangover that I think now I’m sober enough to get a few beers in to bring out my sunny disposition.

ohhh my fucking head

2011-12-09T14:35:00.001+11:00

The Scottish are a pack of animals, really who the fuckwould come up with a vicious siren in a bottle, the draw to the fine malty mixture,the smooth taste and the rush of warmth it brings…. Then 8 hours later you’refeeling the bruises where the bottle was used to bludgeon your brain into pate andthe ashtray smeared arse of a goat inserted where your tongue once was.

couldnt stay away

2011-09-15T18:15:00.002+10:00

so, i'm here

i think its the lul before the storm, i;m at the halfway point in the three week handover and from what i can see i have bitten off more than i can chew "right near the point of where i hit "The Patric Principle" of effectiveness. There is a fair amount of process restructuring that needs to be done and a hell of a lot more communication between me and my many minions in the region that needs to be churned up to speed. The reporting is unstructured and ad hock and the response from staff on requests for information is lacking the turn around that will make anything effective. So you can see i'm knee deep in shit and can only use pointy end of the paddle to get any where.

Its shit leaving the family behind, i call every day and because of my need to download every program i can think of i left home with the account speed limited and skype is shit, so i havnt seen anyone for two weeks, my little baby girl is now crawling around and hell i'd like to see that before she stands up and walks.... i'll be shitty if i miss walking.

the stretch on the relationship... hell yes, that is killing me too. We keep on saying it'll only be for a year but after two weeks it feels like a life time, thinking about it i'd make better money robbing a bank and sitting in jail for a year as a first time offender, at least i'd get more visits.... and rough sex... ewwwww!!!

the temptations, not there this time, i really am not interested in having anything to do with anyone in singapore, not that i did last time, i window shopped and got a great ego boost when the bar girls payed me a little attention but now... i'm over it. Cant even bring my self to get a massage and having to think about refusing the happy endings.

i'm lonley, not despratly freaky level of lonley but as i'm not really getting out there i find my self working later and getting intouch with prople seems a little pointless, i know this has to change very soon of i'll become a hermate and grow fungus for friends.

flat mate is OK, we havent had the "relationship" talk yet, i'm planning to do it this weekend, see how long he wants me to be hanging around for before he kicks me out to find my own place to live. Not that i dont mind the place i'm in, its handy to work, food, shops and bars.... but its also very stark and plain, there just isnt any soul to the place. He is also a fitness freak, gym, running and power shakes. he also likes binge drinking on friday night and winging about it all weekend.... just want to slap him... he's 32, fit single and has a ton os disposable incmoe, he should be drinking and shaging everything that moves....

well i know i said i'll be going but ended up back here again, i cant guarantee regular updates or witty insightful moments as i dont know what the hell i'm doing half of the time... i'm off to Malaysia next week for a tour of the facilities and then the Philippines, hong kong, china, india, thailand..... and what ever else comes my way.

oh, and i haven't mastered giving up smoking but have cut down drinking and eating to compensate.... sounds logical doesn't it.

Is this the end

2011-08-18T09:41:00.000+10:00

This blog was all about therapy, getting the anger out and just picking at the scab that is my head So I now realise where I'm going and what I have to do I'll need to move my therapy on, its time to say good by to the blog.
New Job in Singapore will not allow me the time to indulge in putting my head between the silky breasts of the blog therapist, I'll just have to tough it out with cheep hookers, alcohol and self abuse… (well two out of three wont be too bad) I also need to look at the future, for me there has not been any decent exercise in 2 decades and taking up smoking was the worst plan ever… not that I really planed on it.

Anyway Last update, I leave for Sing on the 2nd September the plan is that the family will remain behind and I'll commute back every 6-8 weeks. 12 months I'll look to come back permanently as I should have clocked up enough time in the position to make my services more marketable. Also while up there and with limited family distraction I'll get my fitness in check and learn mandarin.
Two goals that I must achieve in the next 12 month to make this effort worth while and make me more marketable in the industry. So my beloved, I'll be back… maybe or this will one day fade into the internet ether to sit in a block of data on a server in a data centre some where. I'll keep reading blogs as reader wont let me forget and I'll comment if I can, but the pathetic meanderings of a middle aged man must come to an end.

bye

just a quick one

2011-08-03T09:43:00.001+10:00

i got the job
start Sept 5
family staying behind
trying to find somewhere to live
resigned from current job
not sleeping well
not eating well
not exercising
no sex

no no no no no

well not yet

renovation

2011-08-03T09:40:00.000+10:00

Unlocking the paint faded door on the small one bedroom apartment, the cheapest apartment they could find to buy in the city. Her heart racing and the feeling of ether elation or blood cooling anger fighting to know who will be tonight's dominant force. The first thing she did was walk into the kitchen and look at the offending cupboard the cupboard that was the only thing she ever asked him to do. The instructions were clear install the mock oak tambour doors to the cupboard, what she saw were two bright pink bi-fold doors with glass handles. She knew he had done this deliberately, this had been an argument that had gone on and on for weeks, the only thing she wanted was for that little piece of her world to be as she imagined.

The lounge was glowing green from the traffic lights on the street reflecting off the condensation running down the walls, the top of his head visible above the back of the lounge stooped reading his book by the light of a small lamp.

She reached into her bag for the duct tape and the chloroform, they both knew this day was coming.

google plus

2011-07-22T14:01:00.002+10:00

its alright, i hit up a few forums and got an invite

let me know if want in

anyone on google plus?

i'd like an invite if you do, i realy want to have a look under its skirt

You know when…

2011-07-20T12:24:00.001+10:00

You know when you get your hopes up and find that those hopes are dashed for reasons beyond your control, well this is what I'm hopefully going to try to avoid. I finally have an option to head back to Singapore but its still not on paper and I still have one more meeting with the client to go but… they are asking for possible start dates and how I want the package structured….

This of course will mean returning to Singapore and possible leaving the family behind, so to work my way through this I'm doing the pros and cons thing to get it straight in my head.

What should you start with, the pros or the cons… I'm not that good with lists.

Ok, cons I'm expecting there to be a lot…

I'll be in Singapore with out my family.
I'll miss a lot of the little goals my daughters will grow into in the coming 12-24 months.
Be leaving the wife to manage without any help, support, companionship and general being in the same place from me.
Will I make enough $$ to make this worth doing, will the turnaround make life apart easier.
Working a lot harder than I have ever worked before.
Cost of returning home every 6-8 weeks… greater than the benefit…
Will another tour in Singapore make me less attractive to the job market back in Sydney when I return.
How lonely will I be and will work fill that gap.

Pro's

This is the next step in my career
I'll be on the road 40-50% of the year so impact on family will be less if I'm not missed at home
Boss is OK with me working out of Sydney every 6-8 weeks so I can return home.
Personal development, I'm planning on learning Mandarin (get the company to pay for this) and get fit and well, no more anti depressants and a lot less beer will be the start of me loosing weight and getting fitter. I missed an opportunity last time I was here to do this.
Great job with lots of travel to some dark and interesting places.
12 month initial time frame, if this isn't working I'm coming home, if it is working and I can do it I'll look to move the family up here again. Pending on education costs which was aside from rent our greatest expense.
I now know and have the measure of Singapore, I know the mistakes I made in the first trip and will not be making or wasting time doing them again, I'll be keeping it lean and mean, I'm there for work and the rest can get fcuked.

As you know I'm not really subject to temptation so I'm not sure if this is a pro or a con but me and the five knuckle shuffle will be getting along just fine on the lonely hot nights in Singapore.

I'll also set the family up with Skype and I'll be calling as much as I can but nothing will replace personal contact.

There are a load of questions floating around my head that I need to get straight before I take this step.

I wounder how other races cope with this dilemma, the Bangladeshi workers in Singapore who only go home once a year and send all their money home, how do they cope..

working life

2011-07-15T09:23:00.001+10:00

Soooooo

What do I do now, I'm sitting I an office with three slowly moving projects on the boil and really no real interaction with the rest of the business. No one to fuck with, no one to tell jokes to and no free access to the internet to message my ninjas and laugh at someone's expense. Highlight for today… they gave me a blackberry, talk about a step back in time, my nifty smart phone now takes a back step to the old technology, I could hack it and have the mail redirected to my other phone but you bet your arse that this will be a breach of policy. About the policies I have the curb my language in this because I'm typing on the work PC and forwarding it via mail to my Gmail account… transfer it to USB you idiot!! I hear you scream … nup they disabled the USB ports event the two handy ones on the side of the monitor… I can understand why they have done this, it insures that everything coming and out of the company is accounted for, checked, scanned, filtered, probed and fondled to be sure that no market secrets are dribbling out to the bad guys… but still I could just print and walk out with the documents, but once again what I send to the printer will be logged and probed as well so I'll always be accountable for my actions, hell as I'm typing this I'm sure there is a key logger sitting in the back ground picking up my every misspelt word and liberal use of the back space button. I have made friends in the coffee next door, it took 4 days but now I just need to stand there and like magic a large black with one (like to see if that phrase gets stuck in the jaws of the filter) and an order for a bacon and egg roll is magically happening, they know my name and are happy to chat. I'm shit with names so instantly forgot what they told me… I have plotted two routes between Bridge St and Wynyard station that take me both undercover when its raining and outside when its not, and found a nice little ally way to sneak into to have a smoke (giving up next week) when the need hits me. Just haven't found a good lunch spot, I think this is due to not really eating lunch… hell I just started eating breakfast, so this is going to be a long process. I had another interview for a job back in sunny Singapore, looks like its going to be a real ball tearier of a job and I'm wucking excited, just there are some considerations that have to be made and some really hard choices… I'm not going to dwell on them right now, I'll wait for the offer… if there is going to be one and then ponder in the shallow pool that is my deep thought. So internet, I must now contemplate getting into the swing of the day, the calories from the B&E roll have hit and I now have the energy to give a flying wuck!

where the fuck is the coffee??

2011-07-11T20:05:00.001+10:00

So I have a Job… well it’s a temp position covering for a manager who is ill, really fucking ill… still in intensive care level of ill and wont be back for awhile.. The contract is for 3 months and even then they don’t think he will be back…. Hell I don’t want the job if it comes via the medical misfortune of someone. The role is a piece of piss as they have stripped the role down to some very basic project management and no real day to day issues to contend with unless there is something really special hitting a fan. The reality of the position is I'm going to be bored shitless. The other issue is the company being a financial heavy weight is that the internet is so heavily regulated that even to get access I had to fill in a form and have the herd copy signed and sent to IT to have access granted…. What the fuck right. You should have seen all the policies I had to read and sign, every thing from OH&S to Insider trading… and to top it all off NO FUCKING COFFEE MACHINE…. Instant coffee, FUCK YOU.

So this is the plan, I'll do this job and still look at the market in interview for a full time position, I don’t want to be back where I was looking, its easier to find a job once you have one…. Isn't that a kick in the nuts.

Hold on, coffee time

Fuck its cold out there…

I spent the weekend in the Blue Mountains (2 hours west of Sydney) the area has and still is suffering from some really strong icy cold winds, the weekend was almost cancelled as the cabins we were going to stay at had no power. The family went up on Friday and I followed up on Friday night by train, two hours but felt like 3 when I finished my book with half an hour to go. You know the feeling, your reading and you can see the pages diminishing and just wish there was an additional 50 pages to keep you entertained, I've had this on a flight between Singapore and Sydney where I finished 2 hours into the flight and just didn’t want to plug into the in flight entertainment..

Anyway, I got off the train to be hit in the face with an icy gust that took my breath away and really icy like I'd just stepped into a freezer. The roads were littered with bits of trees and branches, most had been cut up but just by the size of some of the trees the winds must have been really hard core. Interestingly it was most of the non native species that came down like the big pine trees that had to be at lease 100 years old. Native trees drop a tap root in and wrap their roots around the rock to get at water underneath where most European trees have shallow roots and no real deep support, this was evident in one or the huge root balls torn up when a big one went down leaving a very shallow hole underneath. So the mountains will now be sticked with fore wood to see them through the next 3-4 winters and by the end of the week be knee deep in tree mulch.

The cabin was small and basic and the focal point was the combustion stove keeping the cold at bay and making the sound of the wind tearing through the trees a little more bearable, the sound of the wind was similar to the sound of surf on a beach, the same cresting noise without the sound of the crash. So the weekend was spent looking around the mountains, doing little bush walks and popping in and out of shops, there is a lot of antique shops up there and a few items I'd like to get my hands on when I have the $$ and somewhere to put them.

The rest of the universe that is dog3oy is still in shit, still living with the in-laws, still cant have any sexual relations sharing a room with a 4 year old and a baby as well as a sleep deprived wife has put the whole idea of any fun out the window. I'm now physically feeling the worst I ever have, I'm 120 kilos the heaviest I have ever been, smoking way too much and just not eating right… not eating shit just skipping meals and relying on coffee to keep me going… not good at all. Mentally I feel exhausted, can get my head straight and filling in on this job just doesn’t give me the focus that a full time job would have given me. There are still offers out there and I'm still interviewing but really I'm banking on the lottery ticket paying up and I can retire with 17 million in my pocket…..

Yeah right

getting there without freaking out..

2011-06-19T19:15:00.000+10:00

Sunday night, the TV is off and we just fed the children, I’m filling out a questionnaire from Ikea for an job there… fucking Allen keys will be haunting my sleep if I pull this job off.

What gets me is I apply for a job, don’t hear anything from anyone then a month later they will hit me out of the blue… “oh, um yes I remember applying for that job… could you please e-mail me the latest job description…” some of these arse holes really need to get their shit together.

So another week under the roof of the in-laws and looking forward to another week of applying, calling, chasing and begging for a job. Fuck I’m climbing the walls, I want my own space… I think you understand where I’m coming from if you don’t imagine spending the weekend with someone you barly know and accidently shitting on the coffee table, now extend that feeling across several weeks…. Ok not really that bed, they are ice people but we are invading their space and a family of 5 really takes space. They are out tonight and I’m hoping they are not out just to avoid us… that would suck not wanting to go to your own home because you’re sick of your guests.

Fuck I need a job and need to get the hell out of here.

On an upside

The cat (Noodle) has been moved from quarantine to a cattery… nice place where she has her own room but during the day they are all let out to congregate together and find a warm spot in the sun. I’d like to be a cat…

look out batman, i'm coming for your job

2011-06-17T12:03:00.002+10:00

you know your getting desperate when you re-right your resume and make your self qualified for positions unrelated to your profession...

I went to an interview on Wednesday at 8am... this guy called me in the afternoon and didn't mention what the job was... so i went in to this shitty little office at 8am and of course the idiot was running late so had to wait in their kitchen until he got there... so the job... well he sold me on the fact that the management system they had would in 2 years mature to a point that they could demand the high $$$ from their clients and be able to pay the staff very well but in the mean time i'd have to take a cut of a quarter of what i'm expecting.... oh and i needed to fund my own transport.... i politely let my self out and walked away.

But the big fun was an interview with a company who instead of doing interviews pulled us all in and held a seminar/round table... there were 10 invited and 6 turned up, i was expecting trust games and holding of the talking stick but in reality the group discussion with both the group and having the CFO and other senior team member in the room we could throw questions back to them... so two hours later and no idea how we went i walked out feeling conflicted, had i just wasted my time.... I got a call back to come in for another interview the next morning, from what i understood i was one of two invited back for this part... so fingers crossed again i get the call today.

On another note out cat is released from quarantine on Sunday, so i had a mad scramble to find a cattery to put her in and get out to the quarantine station to pay the bill, i took the time to go visit her... she is looking good and if a cat can look excited SHE DID very happy to see a familiar face again after 7 weeks in captivity and now another 2 weeks in a cattery she will be a very happy creature when she is released for god into her own house again.

I'm not freaking out as much as i was, i know its the market and not me. there just isnt any jobs out there right now.

thanks for your support team, much appreciated.

Ok, I don’t remember it being this cold

2011-06-08T11:55:00.000+10:00

Freezing my arse off, I don’t remember it being this cold before I left… the other thing that is making it a little colder than it needs to be is that we are staying in someone else’s house so I can’t really wander around putting all the heat on and wearing whatever mix match I have to keep warm.

Our shipping container is still somewhere between Singapore and Sydney the cat arrived a few weeks ago but has to stay in quarantine for another 4 weeks so we won’t get her until July.. this is all good as I don’t have a Job I don’t have a home and don’t have anywhere to put it all… finding a job has been a real kick in the pants, I’ve applied for everything I can think of I even put in an application to be a bus driver. My day consists of getting up, starting the fire, getting the paper and making the coffee… hit the world wide wobble and see if by some miracle I have anything in my in box that would be relevant then hit all the job sites, I have created short cuts that just give me all the relevant new jobs for the past 24 hours and if there is nothing there is work my way back to all the irrelevant jobs… I’d love to get a job hell even a something short term would be nice, I’m climbing the walls, I did get a call yesterday and at some stage over the past weeks I applied to be a mystery shopper, they called yesterday asking if I’m still available and willing to give it a go… waiting on the e-mail with the instructions and forms to fill out. Good way to kill some time.

So I have another meeting with centrelink this week, the humiliating part of this is that I was expecting to have a job before I needed to have this next interview… really I need to interview for the pissy amount you’re going to give me, how the fuck you feed a family of 5 on 4

$460 a fortnight I ‘m about to find out.

Living out of a suitcase for the past 5 weeks is really taking its toll, no stability no personal space no real clothing, hell what I’d give for my shoes and the rest of my clothes, I’ve been wearing the same thing over and over for weeks and its really pissing me off. I only have one suit so if I do get the job/a job I’ll be wearing the same shit over again… lucky I went the two trouser option LOL

Well, I’ve sent every man and his dog a message this morning and nothing back yet…. Fucking hell

Fucking low today boys and girls

2011-06-02T10:54:00.000+10:00

No money and a family of 5 to feed I’m going to have to make compromises, but where and how I have no idea. I’d love to have a job but if I apply for something lower than I’m qualified for they have one look at my resume and freak out, as there is nothing in the market they are also looking at me thinking you’ll be here just long enough to find a better job….

So fucking hell I’m over qualified for al lot and not qualified for a lot as well…

Rock … hard place

So what will I report to the dole office next week…. “market force’s”

FUUUUUUUUCK

at least my beard doesn't itch...

my beard is growing back just fine thanks...

2011-06-01T17:44:00.001+10:00

So dog, how was it today?

Well little voice in my head, as you know I think we managed to prove that we have the skills to get the shit done… although we didn’t get time to complete all the tasks we walked through the steps to acquire the information and prove that we are capable of taking the information to the next step.

Do you think we got it?

MMMM don’t know, you see this was the first in the phase of three steps in the program, first is the test to see if you are smart enough to use excel then I now have to sit a psychometric test and them when proven to be mindless excel hacking drone I get to meet with someone to see if face to face I’m as faceless as my profile seems…..

Any work on the jobs off shore?

Well I’m the head choice for the job in HK and a favorite for the shanghai job…. According to the recruiters… well, I’ll wait for the sunshine that they have been pumping in my arse to fade and I’ll see if there are still options.

Anything else on that shiny horizon?

Well little voice I’d like to say, “yep sure” but reality is the market is in a slump and there are no jobs in the market for me to go interview for, so I’m not meeting with recruiters any more unless they have a solid job for me to interview for, sick of meeting with them as they tell me how go I am any that I’ll have something shortly… really these guys are the used car salesmen of the HR world…

There is a possibility that I could be doing some project management work for a few weeks… I’ll know more next week.

On to other issues, how’s the inside of your head, I know what’s happening, do you?

You know, its not too bad. Cutting out the meds, the smokes and keeping my drug use to coffee hasn’t hurt (well could have killed for a smoke after the interview today) feeling positive that I’ll one day have a job just what job that will be is a little concerning, I have a minimum $$ to make life worth living.

So all going well?

Meh… its an hour by hour day to day sort of feeling.

just a little stressed

2011-05-31T21:47:00.000+10:00

Arrr fuck fuck fuck

I have an interview tomorrow, would you believe it they are making me to some testing on excel… EXCEL !! fuck mc shit bat man we are good at the geek shit but just not fucking brilliant at it… I have been really trying to bone up on the skills but it is so FUCKING PAINFULLY BORING I found myself checking out this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgbNymZ7vqY … and doing some blog time just to get away from the pain that is scraping some order into the ton of accounting data I (fuck knows why) have stuffed into my hard drive… un believable…

waiting waiting waiting

2011-05-19T11:42:00.002+10:00

did you know that all recruiters look the same... male and female... i have over the past 2 weeks met with 10 different recruiters and they all look the same. down graded plans suits with no color ties or mute toned jewelry and no cleavage... which is a good thing, i dont need the added distraction.

Some of the recruiters are just down right stupid, one asked me to sit down at a bench and got through some basic tests in excel, word and powerpoint.... if i wasn't desperate for the work i would have taken me resume and shoved it up her arse, she hadent read it so taking it as a suppository would work.

After the humiliation of having to go to a center link office for an interview i thought i could almost take anything.

so currently i'm looking at a level of desperation that i have never wanted to see again, i'm looking at places to live that put me back to where i was 15 years ago in cheep apartments driving a banger and accumulate a never recoverable debt... life really kicks you in the balls sometimes.

I cant get philosophical and say things like you have your health and a lovely family and all the positives that people who try to sympathize with you say... fuck this didnt happen for any good reason, i got fucked and fucked over. i have dreams where my ex-boss is packing up her office after being fired, the feeling of justice just isnt there. i still have to work on my revenge, i just cant leave it too late or no one will remember who i was.

So this is where i am, living in the in-laws house, with 3 kids and no job, i have a container full of furniture with no where to go...

Oh and i have one last packet of smokes in the carton, once its gone I'm giving up, so i have nicotine withdrawals to look forward to...

Self-interview

2011-05-11T15:22:00.001+10:00

So dog3oy, why has it been so long since you visited your
blog?

Well inner voice… its been a fucked month, witch all
started with my retrenchment and the packing up and fleeing the country to the
sitting and waiting for the no replies from recruiters and companies.

Retrenched, how did that happen?

I had a meeting with my boss at 5pm on Monday a month ago
where I thought I was just going to give them an update on what was going on…
no, I was in there with another HR manager and they gave me the news, your
position is now redundant and we are letting you go as of today. Here is the
pay out we are offering, please pop back to your desk and grab some things and
we’ll arrange for you to come back afterhours to get the rest of your stuff.

A pay out, which must have been good?

It was, the gratis payment was enough to keep me in country
for a few months to find a new job. But 24 hours later I get an email that I
breached the code of conduct and I wasn’t getting anything outside what I was
entitled to… just enough to get out of the country.

But how did you breach the code of conduct, seems a little
strange that they would do that after you go?

I know, well initially they said that after I left I deleted
my files, I pointed out that as I don’t have remote access and left the laptop
behind that there was no way I could have done it. So next thing I hear is that
I did it during the day before I had the meeting… well as I didn’t know what
was going to happen in the meeting there was no way I was going to delete
anything. So this just was an elaborate way to get me out of the office and
save some $$ by reneging on the gratis payment…

Did they at least give you a chance to explain, back
yourself up?

Nope, the first mail specifically said that I was prohibited
from going to any of the offices and as they had my laptop there was no way I
could show them where the files were, I offered all my backups for my files but
they were not interested, they didn’t even want to do a handover… so I got
shafted.

Dog3oy, I know you’re in a dark place right now but you have
a wife and three kids, how was the effect on them?

Not great, we had enough to survive in Singapore for a few
weeks then if I didn’t have something solid on offer we would have to get out
of the country. So we had to pull the kids out of school, pack up everything
and ship it back to Australia. So after the initial shock on the day I was made
redundant and we realized that we could survive, things didn’t look so bad… but
after the next mail all went to shit, the wife was in tears every night and I
was at my lowest.

But you had to have a chance to talk to someone about it?

Funny you should ask that, it took over a week to get hold
of my boss who finally took my call, we talked and I pleaded my case and at the
end of the call she said she would investigate the issue (must point out that
they should have already done this) and she would get back to me. 44 minutes
later the bitch sends me a mail outlining that the investigation has still
found against me. So 44 minutes is all it takes to seal my fate, screw me, my
family and my career… I think calling her a bitch is OK on this occasion.

So from finding out your life is in the toilet to now, what
has been happening?

Well little internal voice, all of our possessions are
sitting in a shipping container sailing the pacific between Singapore and
Sydney, we have enough cash in the kitty to buy a car (Red Volvo 440) and start
to get out sights set for life back down under, I can tell you now, I’m
freezing my arse off, one thing I can give a tropical climate… your feet never
get cold. I also went through the humiliation of applying for centerlink.. this
I had to do to get the ball rolling on the family benefits, this little
experience has taught me a lot of things, the most important being that there
is no way I’m going back there. I have had to deal with recruiters not
returning calls, no response’s from companies and a whole hose of crappy phone
calls.

Centrelink, you haven’t been there for over 20 years, what
was that like?

For a start its all online or over the phone, I went in
thinking I’d just have a chat with someone who would sort it all out and get me
registered but no, they just gave me a number, pointed to a phone and said talk
to someone (who cares) who will book you in for an interview, so week later I
get a phone call and rettle off every minute detail about who and what I am and
the assets I have, funnily enough they still had all my details from when I was
last on the system, she asked if I still
owned the mazda that they had on the system..that shit box defiantly didn’t
appreciate in value over the 20 years. So this done I had to attend an
interview at a job center … now I have been meeting with recruiters, contacts
and picking up the phone to every one I still had a number for so I went in
there thinking that these guys will have something that I might have missed….
Well fuck NO … first of all I had to fill out a form… no problem there but the
section on what addictions I had was an interesting one. Then the most
patronizing person on the planet came out to meet me… now I was feeling pretty
low already but when this guy started to describe the 6 step plan and the
training courses and all the assistance they can give me I wanted to slap the
little prick. I handed over a soft copy of my resume and the little freak down
loaded it and started reading…. It took him a whole 30 seconds to change his
attitude from “your useless” to “holy shit you could do my job in your sleep”
so I started to ask the questions and all the obvious ones like do you have any
leads of jobs on your system that could be of benefit to me… i was a little
smug when he had to admit that I was over qualified for any of the jobs on the
system. So it breaks down that his whole purpose for existing in this role is
to plug my information into the system and set me up an account in the
Australian Gov job search system…
something I could have done in half the time and without the attitude. The last part was where he told me that they
will be contacting me in 13 weeks for a follow up interview….. I don’t think so
and really he knew he wouldn’t see my face again.

Dog3oy, another question I want to ask, how is the job
hunting going, any real leads?

You know what’s going on little voice, I have a few leads running
at the moment, the top runner is a second interview with a company for a job in
Shanghai, then the video conference interview for the law firm in Hong Kong,
another position for me in Brisbane and another for a bank in Sydney, this
isn’t good enough, I wanted more and the excuses so far range from soft market
to the budget… funny how there are more hits outside the country than in, I
have an interview with a company on Friday and they want to see how I well I’ll
fit into a roll with them and if all things get really bad, I can earn some
cash selling my body.

Oh please, we both know no one wants your body, so how are
you feeling?

Well, I stopped taking the anti-depressants after I got
retrenched, for some reason I really just didn’t feel like taking them, I was
weaning myself off them and had really cut down on them anyway, so how does
that feel… well I’m a little more emotional, not in a bad way but I’m feeling a
lot more. I really felt it when I got a haircut and shaved my beard, I looked
like a dork and just didn’t feel like me so I have let the beard grow again and
will maintain the hair for a little longer… The rest of me is missing the
regular sleep, meals and relaxation you get when you’re in your own home, I have
been living off coffee and snacks so I’m feeling like shit most of the time.
The libido hasn’t really returned and it’s been at least 3-4 months since we
last had sex, the pressure of the last month and living in other people’s homes
just has slaughtered out desire for getting it on. I’ve also taken up smoking
again, I picked up a carton on the way back into Sydney and once its finished I’ll
give them up..

I can tell your getting sick of the questions so I’ll let you
go, thanks for your time me and your sub-conscious have some things that we
must discuss to keep you on the edge… have a nice day.

2011-04-04T17:06:00.002+10:00

I’m holding rage, stress, impotence, fear, anger, yearning…

I want to slam someone,

I want to fuck

I want to run

I want to sweat

I want I want I FUCKING want

I don’t know what the fuck I want, I want a time out I want to run and hide I want to get covered up and left alone for a week I want to be out of the loop and un-contactable.

I don’t know what I want I just want you , i want to meet you in the dark and get in touch, I want to feel again

Arrrr FUCK FUCK FUCK I don’t know what I want, I want it and I want it now, I can feel the hole in me and need to fill it and I don’t know how…

Fucking useless, fucking angry and fucking lost in this mess that is us. I want to take that feeling, the repressed violence in me and turn it into something that will only keep me moving, powered by anger and frustration.

Stop it your killing me

FUCK FUCK FUCK

Holy crap batman

2011-03-29T17:35:00.001+11:00

Its been a hell of a weekend

Last Wednesday we get the confirmation that my son is going in for surgery on Friday… the surgery is call re-implatintation surgery where they remove the uteras from his bladder and re-implant them in his bladder in a different position. So we get him in and admitted in on Thursday for the Surgery on Friday… Friday he in on the slab for 6 hours and when we finally get to see the little guy he is still very drowsy and out of it on the drugs, Saturday and Sunday are dedicated to keeping him comfortable with the epidural and the morphine he is off his food and really out of it, he has 3 tubes sticking out of his abs, two for draining the uritas and one for the bladder. Not nice watching your child’s fluids collect in a bag on attached to the side of the bed. Yesterday two of the tubes were removed and he was mover out of the hide dependency ward to his own room in another ward. So tomorrow hopefully we get the last tube removed and he’ll be coming home by the weekend.

I’m not going to mention the cost but for what it cost I could have booked 1,333 sessions with big breasted prostitutes which equates to three and a half years of daily sex…

So after 4 days of nothing but hospital time I’m back at work with a ton of mail to work through, reports outstanding and placing my cogs back into the corporate machine and getting back into the groove of what’s moving and shaking in the office universe.

Japan and other issues.

2011-03-17T14:45:00.003+11:00

Japan

I spent Friday night and most of Saturday talking to people in Japan trying to get the building put back together and ready for staff on Monday. One of the girls is currently living in the office because her apartment collapsed and everything she owns in now an inch thick stain between two slabs of concrete and she thinks her neighbor who has two small kids were still in the building when it went down, she is hoping they were out and will get in contact. I found out this morning that the guy I was working with on Friday night found out last night that everyone in his family have gone except for his sister who he shares an apartment with in Tokyo.

I don’t think this is something that Japan is going to recover from, the country was already in deep debt, aging population issues and high cost of living.. having the world shun you because your now a nuclear meltdown waiting to happen won’t help recovery. We cannot send staff over, all travel to Japan has been canceled due to radiation threat. But yet there are still tour groups leaving Singapore for Japan for a holiday, sure its in the south but really, couldn’t they go somewhere else while an over stretched system finds its legs.

Anyway, I have had visits from stupid people asking for Geiger counters, telling me not to eat sushi, but iodine tablets and rubbing zinc cream on the back of my neck will stop radiation poisoning. I’m a little to polite to tell them all to grow the fuck up and leave me the hell alone… no, I pointed out the finer points of radiation what it is and how you get it, point out the geography between us and Japan and the trade winds that flow around the pacific that move in a clockwise direction so there will be no fall out over Singapore. Oh the best one was “Can I work from home, it looks like it’ll rain and I don’t want to get radiation poisoning”…. Idiot.

On other shit happening

I got a new watch, I have been looking for this one for awhile, I thinks it’s the sexiest watch I have ever owned. The black metal band mmmm black…. Found it in Hong Kong, one of the only good things to come out of that trip. One thing I have to mention though, one of the girls in the office that I work with told me not to waste money on a hotel on my next visit, I can stay with her… I read between the lines on that one, last thing I need is that.

Korea, Korea, Korea… I know nothing about Korea and yet I’ll be traveling there in the next few weeks for a new office. Did you know that they don’t measure space in Sq.Ft or meters they use Py 1 Py = 35Sq.Ft or about 3 Sq.M… makes my job a little more interesting. Awww crap, do I need a visa for Korea….

I have stopped chewing my nails, I know it’s disgusting but I have done it all my life and have only on very few occasions stopped doing it, I find that is I sit and manicure them… (I know… gay right) I don’t chew them, so picture me on the lounge filing and polishing my nails and rubbing cuticle cream into my fingers… don’t judge me.

Went to the dentist for a scale and polish, the next visit is for two fillings, he has given me a fist full of valium as the session is going to be at least 90min and I need to be relaxed… can’t wait, love valium… but with the pleasure will come the pain.

Ok, I need coffee and to fit my cog back in with the other cogs to get the corporate machine churning.

Mystery of air conditioning

2011-03-10T19:47:00.002+11:00

http://corporatebabysitter.blogspot.com/2011/03/dont-touch-that-no6-mystery-of-air.html

FUCCCCCCCKKKKK !!!

2011-03-05T18:56:00.002+11:00

I'm back at the hotel room and the TV only has tow movie chanels and one is playing a Hong Kong cop movie which would be really cool if it had the fucking subtitles... the other channel is playing Armageddon but dubbed into fucking GERMAN !!

kill me now...

hong kong post, "i'm a looser baby, why dont you kill me"

2011-03-05T17:55:00.003+11:00

i'm in the office, its 2.55pm and i couldnt feel any more lonley if i tried, i didnt contact anyone to tell them i'm in town, i'm not motivated to go out and the movie channel in the hotel is only playing chinese movies. I just had lunch with the other staff that are working this weekend and they all talked in Mandarin.... well fuck this is fun.
so i'm about to go back out there to make sure everything is progressing as it should, kick a little arse and i dont know... i would like to go to the Temple St markets its just finding the mortivation to do it.... well if anyone reads this and you want to keep the dog from climbing the walls i'll be on IM (dog3oy@gmail.com) or on skype later.

Fuck, sometimes travel sucks balls....

Hong Kong Again

2011-03-02T12:09:00.000+11:00

So I’m flying out tomorrow morning and won’t be back until Monday night, I have a big project on and well will pretty much be spending the time walking around buildings bossing people around. As it is I might have Sunday to myself… So anybody have any ideas what I should do in Hong Kong for one day?

I’m thinking of sleeping/big breakfast/shopping/sleeping/shopping/eating

A day

2011-03-01T17:12:00.002+11:00

Morning

I don’t set an alarm, there is no point. There are three other people in the house and a cat any of them can wake me up and its usually between 6.50 and 7.10. The tinkle of my son in the kitchen making a cup of tea, my daughter walking into our bathroom and informing us exactly what she is doing (4 year olds have no filters) or the youngest daughter giving a little chirp letting us know she is up and ready for a feed the alternative is my love dropping the baby on the pillow next to me where I wake up to a big grinning face cooing for my attention . Then there is the cat, she will hop up on the bed walk across me and sit on my chest and lick my nose, this isn’t nice as I know what she cleans with that tongue and the sandpaper feel of it just doesn’t do it for me.

Up and as usual have the morning hard on to cover on the way to the bathroom, same routine, flick on the shower and wake up, I can see the road from the bathroom and wonder why the hell people are up this early and where the hell they are going, but this slips off me like last night’s sleep and seats in the shower.

By the time I’m out of the shower and all the world has aligned I can pick up a coffee from the kitchen and head on my morning what the fuck to wear moment (20 seconds later) and pull it all together, unplug all the toys and throw them in the bag, flip open the cover on the tab and scan my mail, I always find that if I at lease scan the name, subject and if it gets my interest then I’ll open it up for a quick look. This just has set the mind into gear for what crazy hell I might be in for or the answers I was expecting are there to address later… or chase up later..very rare for me to actually answer a mail at this time.

Breakfast of champions, serial and coffee, pop a multi vitamin and an anti depressant and I’m ready to roll.

Run an iron across a shirt, squirt on some anti stink and a watch and I’m dressed and walking out the door and as usual my morning slap around… keys.wallet.pass.phone.balls.cash.reason to live… OK! Go go go.

The commute

There are only five floors in our block and the lift is never on our floor when I’m leaving, out into the harsh reality of the day I walk out and say good morning the guards as I walk out onto the road wandering if they get sick of saying good morning to everyone on their way out every day… who knows. Short 2 min stroll to the bus stop, from about 100m from the stop I can see down the hill and the approaching busses, if I can’t see my bus (there are two I can take) I keep a leisure pace, if I see one then I’ll step it up a little but I never run… I never run for a bus or a train it’s just not a dignified thing to do, I’ll haply wait for the next one (usually only 5 min apart) If I’m in the mood and opportunity is there I’ll flag down a cab and get to work the relaxed lazy way but at this time of the morning cabs are harder to get than naked nuns.

Bus arrived and I swipe my pass and the bleep lets me know it’s all good on this bus and you can ride, 80% of the time I’ll get a seat and if it’s a double decker bus I’ll never go upstairs to find one.. I’m just to tall for crawling up the stairs and ducking to find a seat. Settle my arse next to someone who I guarantee will be sleeping (how or why I have no idea) pop open the tab and start reading my ebook, now most of the trip goes without me looking up as the bus has a pretty straight run to my destination with the exception of a right hander just before my stop, so if I feel the bus shift hard I know its time to get my shit together. Unfold out of the bus and take the escalator down to the subway. Train run at 2 -5 min intervals so I’m usually walking onto a train as soon as my size 11’s hit the platform, flip the tab open again and pick up where I left off. Now ther are only 6 stations between here and work and three are above ground so when I get punched back into day light I can count off the remaining stations and get off. Down the escalator, swiping my pass to get out and a short walk across the street and into the building. The short St has a ped crossing on it and there are occasionally little ninjas there to ticket people for J walking… I usually wait as I’m 99% of the time running 30 min early for work anyway.

This is the time from when I log in with afresh coffee and when I get of my arse for another coffee and a smoke, the first 30 min is going over the mail of the night before and scribbling in my pad what I need to do today and a quick look at the calendar to see who I’m meeting and if I can get out of it J. eMail,eMail,eMail and a quick Blog moment. I get 50-100 mail over night mostly from the US and from 5am from Australia, the rest of the region just hit me up during the day…. 40% is shit or I have been CC’d or BCC’d and I delete it.

Between the smoke and the coffee and lunch, more mail, phone call after phone call, throw in a conference call and a meeting as well as someone poping to my desk asking for information, plans, advice or just wanting to waste some time.

Lunch

Not in Singapore lunch is a sacred time, Singaporeans’ take a minimum of an hour, if you’re in the office between 12.30 and 1.30… your one of only a half dozen people in the office, the other 200 are at lunch and they take the whole hour. So I’f I’m eating in I’ll grab a curry or subway. If I’m out I’ll go for noodles, sushi or a chicken curry. Very rare for me to visit McD or KFC

Between lunch and my next coffee hit. Reporting, eMail,eMail,eMail, phone calls and meetings.

Between getting high off the last coffee and getting the hell out, basically more of the same and if all the planets align I’ll be out of the office just after 6pm but a few times a week I’ll be on a late call or finishing something up and roll out at 7-7.30.

Another commute

Same at the morning commute but I’m a lot less gracious to my fellow commuters “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY”, nod hello’s to the guards on my way back in and back up to the lift. Home sweet home.

Dinner

After dumping my cloths, bag and switch on the laptop I’m out and making pleasant conversation with the family unit catching up on what the day was and helping getting children washed, held, changed and fed. Dinner is usually vegetarian not because I love sheep, cows or pigs its just the way we roll. All things settled then….

What’s on the box

No with cable television we have 100 channels of crap to watch and the first 10 min is spent scanning the channels looking for what we would like to watch, if all fails then I’ll plug a USB in and watch some of the stuff I have down loaded, Cup of tea for me and Milo for the lady and we settle in for some entertainment.

Bed time

Shower, teeth and crawl in with a book and I’m a happy camper… if I’m lucky and we both are in the mood we will get our freak on, but having a 4 month old baby in the house leave at least one of us a little too stretched to play hide the sausage. This in time will change and we will get back to the 3-4 times a week we enjoyed prior to the little ones arrival.

Good night

“don’t touch that” No3, Lets hang it from the sprinkler head.

2011-02-28T12:03:00.000+11:00

“don’t touch that” No3, Lets hang it from the sprinkler head.

tagged you for a VLog

2011-02-26T19:48:00.003+11:00

Meh !

“don’t touch that” No2, The Toaster is not my friend

2011-02-23T18:40:00.002+11:00

The office toaster,

How the hell we got to a position where you don’t eat breakfast and prefer to come to work and make toast. Really, do you love the job so much that you get up in the morning and rush off to work so you can make your breakfast. Bring your lunch… no problem, stick it in the conveniently placed fridge and see you at lunch time. (don’t get upset if after a month we toss it out, Tupperware or not) But don’t even think about making toast… this is strangle a unique Australian thing, nowhere else in Asia does the kitchen provide such a verity of breakfast treats, one little company I worked for had it all, popcorn maker, toaster, toasted sandwich maker and milkshake maker… on top of the standard microwave, fridge and hot/cold water unit. The kitchen stank, the power was always tripping and staff complaining that they had no space in the kitchen… when I suggested we get rid of the popcorn maker and the milkshake machine you would have thought I’d just dropped my pants and butt fucked bambi. So I pointed out that the kitchen wasn’t big enough for everything and we were not going to build a bigger kitchen a sacrifice had to be made and when your ready let me know what you want to do… not sometimes its good to empower the staff with a difficult decision as they will get off my back and as no one wants to be the bad goy the decision will remain unmade until they start complaining again, this can take up to 3 month and I don’t have to deal with it until them…

Here is another great reason why you should not have a toaster in your office. For one fire engine to answer the call that the automatic alarm sends out when the smoke from burning toast sets it off is $1500 and usually two arrive $3000… that is a very expensive breakfast. What happens and I have watched this happen, a drone will come in and before going to their desk will hit the kitchen and stick toast in and walk away to their desk leaving the toaster unattended… now what they haven’t even thought of was if the last person had turned the toaster up to burnt and not turned in back down again. So as the drone is prattling around, logging in, and checking their facebook updates the toast has gone from bread to charcoal and now emitting a cloud that will set off the alarms and the best thing is the smell we all have to wait an hour for the air condition to scrub clean.

Oh and no one cleans the toaster or empties the crumb tray, so while its all dark in the office at night the cockroaches are having a 10 course buffet in the toaster.

Coming up

“don’t touch that” No3, Lets hang it from the sprinkler head.
“don’t touch that” No4, Security cameras are watching you.

“don’t touch that” No1 The Ball

2011-02-22T16:37:00.003+11:00

Your sitting at your desk and wondering why can’t I do that, there is a good reason, we don’t trust that you will not try to kill yourself. If you do succeed in killing yourself I’m the one responsible for your safety and if I’m found to be negligent I GO TO JAIL.
.

This is why you can have cool things in the office.

Why can’t I have a ball seat?
This is one I get so many times I’m ready to slap someone, if you’re a trained circus acrobat that has spend a life time doing nothing but balance then maybe I’d give you one to sit on even then I’d be questioning your qualification to be in the building. Then there is the excuse, “I can get a stopper to put it on so it won’t roll” … derr your still going to roll off it.

Potential injuries:

You slip forward off the ball smashing all your teeth out on your desk and embedding pieces of your ergonomic keyboard in your face.
You slide off the side and crush your temple on the metal filing cabinet causing trauma to your little brain.
You fall off the back and slam the back of your head on the table in your informal meeting space you share with your team crushing your brain stem and rendering you to a vegetable for the 20 seconds it takes for your brain to die from a lack of oxygen.
The fucking thing pops from you bouncing on it, you drop, catching your jaw on the desk on your way to crushing your tail bone and rolling into the table in your informal meeting space cracking open the back of your head.

Don’t even give me the “my chiropractor/physio therapist told me I have to sit on one or I’ll die”… this is a load of bull shit and when I ask for a letter to back this up… awww you can’t find one. Really if you push it I’ll let you have it and take away your chair so you have nothing else to sit on… let’s see how quick you get your chiropractor to sign off on you getting your seat back. Now I had one of these balls, it was given to staff as a marketing gimmick and I as I informed all staff to take them home or drop them in the bin or send it to a competitor. I blew the one I took home up and put it at the desk and it lasted about an hour before I started cramping up….and yes if you do this for an hour every day you’ll have abs of iron and a back of steal and the sex drive of a rabbit… just do it at home where its your insurance that has to cover your arse not me.

The other reason I don’t like them is because they are balls and what do you do with a ball…. You kick the crap out of it. Something that size with a good boot behind it will take down a workstation usually with someone sitting at it and if there is no justice in the universe it’ll be the office bitch that just needs an excuse to breakdown in tears and have a cry in the CEO’s office. So not for a single second do I think that any guy would be able to resist giving it a kick and even better giving it a kick while you’re sitting on it… now that is funny.

Coming up

“don’t touch that” No2, The Toaster is not my friend.
“don’t touch that” No3, Lets hang it from the sprinkler head

Time to spill again

2011-02-21T20:34:00.001+11:00

Women in my life right now:

Wife: All great, good team work looking after children and keeping it real, we have fallen into a little of a lull at the moment and I can understand why, 4 mth old babies don’t make you feel sexy or boost the libido for a romp in the hay. To be honest I’m a little pre occupied with other issues at the moment to feel left out. Its not a lack of love just got shit happening and haven’t had time to connect in that way yet. That being said I still steal a grope of her boobs and pinch some arse at every opportunity.

Legal: There is a woman I work with who is based in our legal department, she had an affair with one of the blokes here and for some unfathomable reason chose me to divulge all the details of their broken relationship. This fool has been pining for this bloke for so long she has forgotten what the relationship was really like. She is stuck in this rut to the point of where I’m still giving her the same advice that I gave her six month ago…. “Move the fuck on and find another man, then fuck his brains out before you explode” she is also a christian which I don’t hold agents’ her but do get sick of the “you look like jesus” and “what would jesus do” references. Ladies, if you have a male friend who will sit and listen to you crap on about the nonexistent relationships for more than 20 min he is ether hoping for a blow job of like me to thick to run away…. If you do prattle on for more than an hour you’re going to need to give him a blow job just to wake him up. Oh and if doe don’t follow the advice given…… then don’t tell us it didn’t work.

Sex freak: This crazy kitten I met at a functio0n and got on really well and just started flirting on IM, nothing serious to start off with but quickly turned very pornographic and to the point of almost traumatic, thankfully I ran out of business cards and didn’t give her one as I’m sure she would have turned up at work one afternoon panting for a quiet moment in the cupboard. The photos of her are incredible and the short clip she sent me had me feeling things I haven’t felt in a long long time. I know its all harmless but sometimes she is so intense it freaks me out a little. Thankfully she hasn’t found me on Skype.

Personal crush: There is a girl in the office who I think is incredible, she would I be (in my humble opinion) the perfect ten. There isn’t a part of her body that isn’t perfectly portioned, flawless skin, deep green eyes, but length straight black hair. She moved like she is made of mercury, gliding around the office. She is just amazing to watch and I’m flabbergasted that she is single.

The office: Fuck, what hell it is right now, not feeling very secure in this job right now, nothing I have done just seeing a trend where if something isn’t right the bosses make the scape goat and send someone packing. This isn’t good as if for some reason I’m let go I have 1 month to leave the country… and to be honest I don’t have the reserves in cash to ship everything home and find a place to live and find a new job. So I have an interview with another company on Wednesday and fingers crossed I get it and gain a little security and enough time to build the reserves to get the hell out if something does happen. On top of this I’m neck deep in issues and projects and staff assessments and contracts and lease renewals and and and…..

Life: I’ve cut down on the happy pills, if I cant deal with life at this point I really need to make a big assessment and make some larger changes, dropping the dose takes a few months to really take effect and I’m feeling good, I’ve had some very stressful and emotional days and survived with my humor in tact… I’d like to be rid of them totally and survive on good feelings, fairy dust and unicorn shit.. All up not feeling to bad.

The future as I see it: I’d like to say I have a 5 year plan but at the moment it’s down to 18 months… long term we would like to be in a position to get out of here and track home with a wad of cash in the pocket and a good job in Syd to keep the wolf from the door, love to find a country town that needs a global director… pfft LOL

I’m not being rude… but

2011-01-28T13:20:00.002+11:00

The polyester iceberg: so here in Singapore we have a very large Malaysian Muslim population which I think is great because unlike Australia they are not un-rationally feared or marginalized. The only issue I have with the Muslim culture in the polyester icebergs…. Go with me on this little journey please… as you all should know Muslim women wear clothing and scarf’s that cover their whole body, I really don’t care what the hell they wear but I’m a tall guy and have a long stride and so many times I have been stuck behind two or more ladies in the full outfit and almost of them are in almost frightening bright patens and all are made of synthetic fabrics, now with no peripheral vision they cannot see me trying to get around them and continue on their glacier slow pace while I hop and bounce to try and get around them. I can understand why they move so slow, hell most of my work shirts are of a cotton/polyester blend and are fucking hot, wearing a tent made out of the stuff in this heat…. Fuck I’d be moving slow as well. So I’m just having a bitch, not a life changing attitude altering revelation just an observation.

Lets segway into another observation

Appledar: The iproduct radar, this became apparent to me in the tunnels that link the trains and the street and more this morning on the platform of the station near work. I hop off the train and am walking (frustratingly slow) behind a guy who is reading on his iPhone4. Coming in the other direction is a girl who I think is watching something on her iproduct. I can see them coming head to head and am quietly hoping that they slam into each other and drop their precious itoys… but at the last minute without ether one of them looking up they change just enough direction to miss each other… no I put it down to peripheral vision at work but really is what your reading/watching really worth the risk of me mowing you down… oh, and this isn’t iproduct envy… I purchased a Samsung galaxy tab and have ifreaks drooling over it because it does all the things they wish their ipad did, I’m also an android fan as I can do/load and change whatever I want without Steve Jobs permission, I can understand why it’s so popular, if you have only half a clue about what potential you can get out of a mobile devise you get any other devise that isn’t produced by apple, for the clueless there is iproducts and this makes people happy.

I’m ok with that.

oh and a totally unrelated picture... meh!

Microsoft office your breaking my heart

2011-01-26T16:39:00.002+11:00

Really, how long have we known each other…. Well, fucking long time and I’ve been faithful even when I was forced to flirt with StarOffice at work I still had you at home. We have been together now for over a decade and I have been keeping you updated and upgraded and running you on nothing less than some of the most geeked up equipment. I have had you on desktops, laptops, netbooks and notebooks, I was even tempted to squeeze you into a phone but thought you would suffer and not perform to the standards you need…. Everything I do, I do it through you… You know that time when I thought I had done you wrong by reinstalling you and adding the additional service pack only to find out I was missing a DLL file…. Did I get frustrated… no I uninstalled you updated my register and reinstalled you with all the updates I could find… you were happy, you did everything I needed.

Currently I have a copy of you on two laptops, I know I neglect to one on my personal laptop but the one I have on the work laptop… I work it into a frenzy every day, opening, editing, changing and creating… it all happens because of you… even this is being typed in you.

So you understand why I’m a little disappointed when I have learnt every shortcut, secrets and capabilities only to find that you still know nothing about me. So much time together but yet I feel you just don’t care, after all this time you can understand when I print out something, go to the printer only to find you have chosen this moment to change the default from portrait to landscape…. This is a knife to my heart, you know I don’t use landscape for any word documents, never have, in all the time we have been intimate in the workplace I have never changed the default to landscape, not even to be cheeky, not even as a private joke to have between us… you know “haha remember the time I printed that contract in landscape, oh oh how we laughed”… this never happened. Admittedly I have gone landscape in PDF and during budget season have gone landscape in A3 and in colour… but never in word. So why did you do it, after all this time, I have spend more time pressing your buttons than my own wife, so you can see just how much I respect this relationship.

Don’t push me away, I don’t want that, I still really like you and would never look at an open source or apple variant or even a nifty online office suite…. I’m just not that kind of guy, I have invested a lot into this relationship and am not ready to make the change, I can’t change my ways so easily…. But it seem you can. When will you recognize me, when will you be able to see me for what I am, I’m but a simple human with faults that needs you to prop me up and keep me working, but really after all this time you still don’t see me, know my faults, know my weakness, know where I muck up and know what I like.

If you love me, you won’t change my printing format default to landscape

Blasphemy

2011-01-19T16:30:00.001+11:00

Where’s Wally is really Jesus and Japanese…. Who knew…

Knee deep

2011-01-18T17:06:00.002+11:00

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel
Someone ignited the methane in the sewer I’m standing in

Tsunami

2011-01-17T16:41:00.002+11:00

Tsunami, say it out loud and if you’re in a position to, yell it. It’s a funny work to say tsunami, tsunami, tsunami….

Now I’ll explain why I’m thinking of the word tsunami

Sitting on the lounge last night with baby in my lap doing what parents do to babies when we want to be entertained, you know, funny noises, a poke here a tickle there and after a little giggling my little girl get a look that I can only describe as politician caught red-handed and let loose one almighty shit. My son sitting on the other lounge looked over and said “tide is coming it” of which I answered “with an on shore breeze” ha ha ha ha yes we are fucking funny but I didn’t realize good wife was behind me at the time and said, “I’m not cleaning that tsunami up”…. Boy and I pissed our self.

I still managed to pass baby on to the good wife for a clean…. Yes after two kids I’ll do anything to avoid the nappies of the third one.

Boobie, now that’s a great word to say out loud too, boobie boobie boobie… I’d prefer to look at them instead of talking about them but what can I do but get the cheap thrill of saying boobie, mmmmm I think I’ll answer the next phone call I get with “BOOBIE” I’m sure I’ll get away with it, is not I’ll just start repeating tsunami down the phone until they hang up.

Coffee no 3 today and I have no excuse, I have to walk home today, I purchased an army poncho (see photo) can’t wait for it to rain so I can put it on and look like a walking green blob, wife asked if I would be embarrassed… I haven’t been embarrassed by half of the stupid things I have done to date so this won’t even scratch the surface.

So 30+ deg and 70+% humidity.

Don’t wish me luck just wish that I fucking do it.

banalize

2011-01-13T19:08:00.000+11:00

is someone said i'm going to banalize you.... what would you think was about to happen

As long as they don't run out of beer

2011-01-13T17:38:00.003+11:00

Who gives a shit about what the politicians are doing to support the crisis..

Just don't let them run out of beer.

A sober Queensland would have to be the most frightening place on the planet.

You know what?

2011-01-11T19:31:00.002+11:00

You know what?

“what the fuck now” I hear you say…

I don’t think there are a lot of really happy people out there, I’m not sure why but I put together a list of all the reasons why you might be unhappy with your life, the world or the karma your don’t seem to produce.

• You half way to the bus stop and it rains, you have left your umbrella behind and there is no cover between you and the bus stop. Your now going into wet t-shirt territory and will spend the best part of the morning trying to dry out.
• The curry you had last night was one of the best and hottest you have ever had, this morning after your morning cable lay you find your arse is still stinging from the chili and sitting down is uncomfortable
• Looking out the window in the morning you notice your neighbor and give them a wave… then realize your half naked and not the good half..
• You pull the batteries out of the remote control to power your vibrator, an hour later your sitting on the lounge trying to get the TV on and realize you have to get off your arse and find your vibrator.
• You have been sitting on your arse for so long you have no feeling left in it, you stand up to stretch your legs and release a fart that shakes the workstation.
• The sneeze you did yesterday left some hard lumps on your monitor that you find your picking off today
• You and your partner commit to an open relationship, 3 months later your partner has slept with every one you know and you haven’t had one hit.
• The pen you have been using is not only the best you have had in a long time it’s a colour you like and comfortable to write with. First of a long series of meetings the pen chooses to run out leaving you with a pencil.
• The nude model you booked turns up and is not only the wrong sex but your also related.
• In the dark you apply a cream on the rash on your balls, turns out you grabbed the tiger balm instead.
• You miss the bus/trail/plane/taxi/ride to find out that you’re a day late and not wearing pants.
• Yes, your arse does look big in that, pity that is the new BMW.
• You just doused your car in petrol and set it alight for the insurance then realize the insurance is for your other car.
• The half kilo of cocaine you just god caught trying to import turns out to be refined sugar.
• The hash you just bought turns out to just be a lump of dog shit.
• Your favorite prostitute turns out to be your missing younger sister.
• No filters left and you now have to go and hour before you get your first taste of black gold.
• Spending 4 days a week in the gym to buff up and look great, doesn’t help that your but ugly no matter how fit you look.
• Someone finally points out that the reason your single isn’t because there are no good men left but the fact that you’re a fucking winging pain in the arse.
• Dead is the only place you want to see your ex, not moving into the apartment next door with a better looking partner.
• Only drunk do you look good enough to take to bed and your still at home in a single.
• An accident with fireworks has left you wearing nappies.
• That smell you can’t seem to avoid no matter where you go, turns out its you.
• Grinding away thinking you’re the lover you truly dream you are, the groaning you think you hear turns out to be snoring.

Oh, reminded me of a dream I had, just a small snippet of a dream where I’m standing in a crowd in my underwear with an erection, I notice one girl looking at me so I adjust my cock so it makes a tent and shows how long I am, she nods and smiles…. As I said a snippet of a dream, I can only dream of having an erection.

• You score and get this hot big breasted girl home and as you strip her down those DD’s turn into well camouflaged C’s
• You spend 20 min standing in the wrong queue
• The death threat letter you sent to your parents comes back wrong address.
• The imported beer your drinking to look cool turns out to be a non alcohol cider.
• Sitting on the toilet at work you realize the sticky substance you have sat in was the result of the desperate masturbater who was in the stall before you.
• Laughing at others misfortune just isn’t making you happy anymore

Works for me

2011-01-06T20:03:00.000+11:00

drugs are bad

2011-01-06T17:19:00.001+11:00

Wasted

2011-01-04T19:56:00.001+11:00

Fucking nothing

Wasted day wasted time and little to know idea of what I should or shouldn’t be doing. I’m not qualified to give advice, I’m living it day to day, my program is only days long… there is no horizon because I haven’t planned for one.

Where did the drive go where is my self respect where is that drive… drive drive drive me driving away.

Can work autonomously, you’re kidding I can work or not work, with little supervision…. Hell no, I’m an ideas guy and spinning shit just seems to be what I do. Pity my staff, they have to put up with the crap I try to tether together and make look like a plan…. There is never a plan and the plan we had disintegrated within the first 5 min of implementation.

I don’t care if Monday is blue, Tuesday and Wednesday too, Thursday …….. Friday I’m in love….

I have synced my Dropbox, uploaded and updated Picasa and coordinated my phone, tab, work laptop and personal laptop…. All full of shit I’ll never use as the carpet keeps being pulled and the fires keep starting in places never seen before.

Medication is wearing off, illness slipping into the past, fresh aches are rising from the pain killer ashes, broken toe mended and just looking red…. Thanks Tom Petty I needed some free falling.

Jesus came from outer space…. Well fuck yes he did, Elvis invited him to a BBQ with the lockness monster and the man on the moon…. Drinking Carlsberg, eating sartey and smoking whinnie blues.

Coffee number 7, this will not end well, I can feel the pressure behind my eyeballs (thinking of getting an 8 ball tattoo) and it will all end in tears for someone… and hell its never me and never someone I know but I know there will be tears…. The past week I have seen 3 people crying in public and every time all I wanted to do was give them a hug and with a little luck find in my self a tear to spare them…. Not fucking likely, I think I’m a little to broken for that shit but still have the urge to wrap them up in some protection and show the world that they are not going to be taking the crap for a moment.

Coffee number 7 has just passed the point of good and is now scraping the levels of bad that I just can’t see

3840 seconds before I leave, tomorrow will be a better day

Post from my new toy

2011-01-02T12:31:00.002+11:00

What can I say about the new year.... Nothing much, I was asleep by 11 that does suck but with a baby in the house you take what you can get.

Next year.... Its on

Kids can go to hell we are going out and having some fun..... Next year....

This year .... Coool

A list for the hell of it

2010-12-31T14:27:00.001+11:00

• I will never own a Che Guevara t-shirt, I just never got it and really don’t care.
• Under no circumstance will I ever wear a string singlet, they are reserved for playboy models and internet porn.
• I will not be rich and famous, I just don’t have the drive to succeed.
• There will never be a good substitute to having a quick wank.
• I will take any drug that crossed my path, I’ll not actively seek it out but If offered I’ll fucking take it.
• I will commit an act of debauchery in the next 12 months. I’m not sure what but I need to do it.
• From next week I will walk home from work two nights a week. Its 11kms and in this heat I should be a shadow of my former self in no time… tee hee hee
• There has to be something I can do to make some more $$
• My friends must find respective partners and marry as soon as possible, I’m sick of being the only married guy. Time they got a taste of the couple life.
• Jan 5 it will be 9 years of marriage, valentine’s day it will be 15 years together, what evil did she do in a past life to end up with a freak like me.
• I will not waste my time and effort on YOU any more, if you can’t get it sorted then I’m not going to be able to help you.
• Advise, I’m not the person to go to and will this year avoid giving out any unless its business related, why you can’t find the right person is not an answer I can offer.
• There is nothing you can offer that would make me leave what I have, nothing. I’d prefer to have a good shit than to endure the stress of an affair.
• Its time to get political, and I shit you not someone is going to suffer, I’ll fucking make sure of it. I have spent so much time on the sideline that when I hit the game you all will be taking a hit.
• You offer me that Job again, I’ll take it. But there are going to be some boundaries and the first one is I will not suck your cock.
• I will paint 3 paintings this year, create a small stop motion film and draw.
• I will not make new year’s resolutions, my resolution will remain the same “learn to juggle three balls” and I don’t care if I don’t achieve it.
• With the phasing out of the meds my libido will return…. Get ready.
• I will purchase property this year, regardless of where it is and what it looks like I will purchase it.

They are all a little fucking crazy

2010-12-24T12:44:00.001+11:00

This is purely my fault, there is no excuse… well there is one big excuse… I’m male… but aside from that there was no reason for me to leave present buying for the wife to after work last night.

Well fuck me if every Singaporean was out there at the same time, I was neck deep in shopping power. I now know what runs the country and its retail there must have been millions slipping through the paws of disgruntled post teen retail sales gods.

To give you a little sample of the body crush that was last night, there is an underpass that stretches from the Orchard MRT (train station) under and linking 3 malls, from the time I hopped off the MRT to standing in front of a sales girl took a life time, nothing more than a shuffle, at one stage everyone stopped and jammed up…. Can you guess why… some super fucking dumb arse was pushing a twin stroller … HELLO … !! well there is always one idiot who will never learn, by the look on the guys face I’d say he was never returning, if I could capture “I’m about to snap” then this guy had it across his face…. No matter how hard he tried he just wasn’t getting anywhere and the wife was behind him talking at 100k … I shuffled with everyone else, it was annoying but I slipped in the phones and cranked up the filter so none of the screaming could get through and the fucking chrismas carols…. Holy shit there is only so much a man can take of the same shit over and over and over and over and over and over again.

Finally made it to the store that I thought was the right one… I’ll explain, 4 month pre baby we were wandering through the shops and some jewelry got my good wife’s attention and I locked that little gem in the vault for later. This is the later and I’m wandering around neck deep in shopping hell trying to find the part with the jewelry…. No not here, oh fuck I’m in the wrong fucking mall….. the one I should be at is a block down and across the road. The thought of getting out of the mall, walking down the road in a fucking crowd and fighting my way into another store just gave me the cold shivers. So the clever fucker I am I thought that if they have that brand of jewelry there at that store then there is a better than 60% chance that it will be here too ……. And after a moment with the directory board and a little intimidation of a sales girl I was back in the hunt.

Empty pockets later and the xmass pressure off my shoulders I took a deep breath…. What next and this is where I wish someone had snuck up behind me and smacked me upside the head.

Now remember, I have the flu, well really getting over the worst of it but still medicating myself with anything I can get my hands on including a couple of cold beers over lunch, so the thought processes at the time was a little grey. BRIGHT idea !! pop up to Kinokuniya and but the atlas that you want, there is a 20% discount for card members and hell you’re a member…. GO BOY GO !! thankfully Kino’s is in the same building and is only a 4 floor shuffle away. Get in there and pick up a really nice atlas (kids should always have an atlas to look at…..) and above it was a Nat Geo illustrated encyclopedia of animals… got to get that too…. Stick them under my arm and head for the cashier …… well fuck me look at that que, 3 min into the que I realize I’m holding what feels like 100 ton of book and really not in the mood BUT! I hold out, I’m a good dad and I’ll get this for my children and they will grow up better people…. Yeah! …. So that torture complete, I have my bag across my back holding the laptop and two books that I had in it and feeling every fucking once of the weight, a bag with a two of the biggest books I have ever had to carry…… deep breath…. Taxi time…

Looking across the heads of my fellow shoppers I realize that 50% of these short people are going to want to get a taxi home and I’m going to be fucked up waiting in a que for a taxi, so being the clever fucker I am I call and book a taxi, on the third attempt I snag one… 5-7 min… cab number blah blah blah…. Cool, make my wat to the rank and as I stant there I realize the blah blah blah bit was important as there are a thousand cabs in front of me and I have no idea which one was mine…. Drop everything, call the can company…. Can no 1431… cool, just as I look up cab no 1431 is moving further and further away, FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK, grab my shit and start to chase it down, thankfully the drive in the mall is blocked and he wasn’t going anywhere, so I get to my cab and this little fucker pulls the door open and is about to hop in and pinch my fucken cab…. “what the fuck do you think you’re doing” was the only restraint I had at this moment, the little guy had to be in his early 20’s and really I think if it was anyone else would have told them to fuck off, he had the I’m wearing a power suit and have a hair cut that takes 20min to get right but the poor bugger got one look at me and had a second thought. I’ll paint the picture from his perspective Big big big guy, easily twice his weight, very pale and sweating profusely (I’m sick and its fucking hot) with a satchel slung across his shoulders heavy bags in both hands and delivered “what the fuck do you think you’re doing” in a tone that might have produced a little bowel movement. I also didn’t notice the security guard who also got the picture and politely asked the guy to join the que for the taxi’s, I turned around and thanked the security guy who was nice enough to take my bags and put them in the boot of the taxi and close the door for me, the little guy was gone…. Lost face and done a runner.

So friends, can you guess where I’m going tonight, yep, back into the belly of the beast and this time I’m taking the family….. but this time I’m going to be unencumbered with shopping and will have a few beers under my bely to be sure that I float above it all and have a nice christmas eve….

Oh I’m getting myself one of these for xmass, santa thinks I’ve been a good boy…http://galaxytab.samsungmobile.com/

just keeping you in the loop

2010-12-23T13:58:00.001+11:00

http://blogs.wsj.com/speakeasy/2010/12/19/a-holiday-message-from-ricky-gervais-why-im-an-atheist/

http://blogs.wsj.com/speakeasy/2010/12/22/does-god-exist-ricky-gervais-takes-your-questions/

I’m sick

2010-12-20T19:18:00.002+11:00

For fuck sake, the one week where being healthy would be a real asset, the week leading up to Christmas and I have a bucket load of work to complete, shopping to try to do and social events to aspire to attend.

On top of that I decided after Friday night to give up smoking again.

Just swallowed some panadol for the fever with coffee to combat the drowsiness and nothing will take away the taste of the cough medicine I just took, licking my own balls wouldn’t shift this taste.

WHY…. WHY ME!!

I don’t feel so bad as there are people around me that are showing the same symptoms, I’m thinking of tracking the spread. The guy next to me is coughing and sounds like me, the girls should soon pick it up as we had a meeting in an unventilated room this morning for an hour, so I’ll mark the clock and see how long it takes to incubate….. this might kill the asthmatic.. but we’ll have to wait and see.

Who else can I infect? Might have to go and cough all over the printer and the door handles, if I can be happy then I’ll use my mutant power to bring down the world around me.

Next fucker that brings me chocolates gets a kick in the balls, for real… I’m a dude, dudes don’t eat chocolate, really…. Save yourself the hassle and get me a can of beer and a packet of salted nuts…. You get this you can guarantee our friendship for the next 12 months….

Here is a little observation I witnessed over the weekend

Outside Ikea, (I was going across the road not in there…. Swedish hell) there was a young couple who had just bought something large and for the life of them they could not get it in the car…. Small car long wooden polls, I could have helped, it would have been simple as running the poles through the front passengers window and into the boot of the hatch back… but no, I paused on the over pass to watch how long it took for ether them to work it out of someone point out the obvious….. but no some bright spark from Ikea popped out and I think offered delivery….. dam I wanted to see them drive with ether the back open or across the two windows. In any other country all the people standing around would have at a minimum mentioned the window…

Time for another hit of coffee, my brain is leaking fluid and I don’t think I’m going to last to 6…

thunderstruck

2010-12-16T14:52:00.002+11:00

Couldn’t help it, I just had to do it…. sitting in a meeting of which I was nothing but a token of corporate might, there was also the expectation that later in the afternoon I was there to drink the poor suckers under the table. So sitting there with nothing to do and no distraction, the lights were low and they were babbling a load of crap that I was in no way interested in or had anything to do with me… so I slipped in the ear phones and got a hit of AC/DC’s thunderstruck. I really am not a great AC/DC fan but there is so much music on my phone I don’t even know where half of it came from. I had shuffle setting on while on the train and Back in Black came up and so while sitting in this dark meeting room in the back I slipped in the phones and got some Thunderstruck and Dirty Deeds.. just as dirty deeds ended the meeting was shifting from the screen back to the table. I popped the phones out of my ears and got re-engaged into the corporate universe… fitted my cog back in with all the other cogs. I know if anyone found out or I got caught it would have been my arse but really if it wasn’t for the little music I think I would have killed them all, set them alight and snorted the ashes… The poor suckers I ended up drinking them so hard they were to I’ll to get to their flight the next day. stupid fuckers, you don’t start drinking games with a guy that it twice your size and a well seasoned drinker.

You ever have one of those days where the fantasy in your head is so close to becoming a reality that you can taste it… I was on the bus this morning and this little shit standing in the door got her noise out of joint when I pushed past her to get in the bus.. she didn’t move and me and my other travelers were banking up to get on and get going without lives… I found a spot and hung on to the railing looking back at her and all I wanted to do was go back up and smash her head rapidity on the front windscreen until ether I broke a wrist of puncher her head through the glass…. Now I know this sounds a little hard core but every one that got on the bus after me got the same treatment from this little shit and were holding the same thoughts I was.

So its Christmas, fuck I hate Christmas and thankfully they play it down here so you’re not getting the continual commercial bombardment you get in Aust, no pressure to provide everything to everyone. I have a few functions to get through, I’ve booked dinner on xmass eve, booked lunch xmass day and setting up a BBQ for Boxing day… getting this shit sorted this year, I’m ensuring I get what I want and get to eat and drink myself into an early coma.

Shit still need to buy presents for the good lady… hell she deserves more than I can give for putting up with my stupidity and popping out another of my progeny and suffering the eye watering world of asia. The problem is every time I travel I get her something and I’m running out of ideas, gift certificate will only get me a kick in the nuts…. Must be inventive…. New microwave…. Tee hee heee only kidding any appliance will only result in the severing of my jewels from my person… I’ll put some thought into this one…. More coffee I think.

Just got work that the wine supplier is in with some samples and as usual I’m the one that has to sample, nothing better than pulling reports together after an afternoon of drinking wine… fucking hard life I know.

Gossip time, married friend who’s wife is based in a northern continent and they are trying to get the long distance relationship working has just moved into a house with a friend and his maid has moved in too, just to clarify she is pretty hot and was supplied from an agency who specialize in providing maids to single/attached middle aged males who are living on their own… so I’m sure she is keeping his clock cleaned and if the wife finds out she’ll clean him out. Silly bugger, he has soo much to lose that if it all goes down he’ll be in a world of pain… and it will happen.

We had our Christmas party last week, I couldn’t be less interested in this event as I’m flat-out and hating people really bad. As the night dragged on I came to realize I had a lot of female company around me, I asked to obvious question “why are you all not out there mingling” the answer was a mixture of they are so drunk that if we go out there we will get groped, grabbed or embarrassed, the only safe place is around you because most of the guys are shit scared of you and wouldn’t pull anything around you…. Awwww I’m a big ogre that protects the little girls… how sweet… so I put them to good use and sent them to the bar for me in groups so they could keep fueling me… little did they know I was undressing them all in my head and keeping the lusty leer of my face and my hands firmly wrapped around my beer. I would pound a guy if he took advantage, I have a strong feeling about arse holes taking more than they have asked for and as it turns out I was doing a good job because after I left some of the poor girls didn’t get to keep their dignity for long….

Wine is calling my name and I cant ignore the call to drink.

static charged

2010-12-08T17:42:00.001+11:00

Laying in bed day dreaming last night I was reminiscing over the feeling you have at first touch.

When you’re really close, you know what each other is thinking, feeling.
Your breath gets short
You feel warm and goose pimply at the same time
The heat of the mixed pheromones your breathing in.
A light but tense feeling in your gut
Moving closer together being driven from the mixture of excitement and feeling of anticipation
So close now the feeling of static between you a small force that’s keeping you away but still drawing you in
Warmth of your mixed breath as you draw in to touch lips just a graze of the lip to see if what your feeling is real
An arm now extended to your hip drawing our bodies together, locking us in.

The bubble is now burst, that first feeling is now moving on so fast from anticipation to passion

AWSOME

2010-12-08T17:34:00.001+11:00

I didn’t think I’d have time to blog

2010-11-30T17:42:00.002+11:00

But hell I have a gap in my little schedule so here I am..

I realized last night that I have developed a routine in the Singapore airport when I travel, check in, immigration, hungry jacks for a wopper, harrys bar for 2 pints, a smoke and then wander to the boarding gate. I realized this because I knew exactly where to go and how long it would take and still get me to the boarding gate with 20 min to spare.

The flight…. Fucking hell, just as the flight left the runway I dosed off, this is the best thing that can happen as I can usally go at lease half of the flight asleep… but FUCK no some dumb arse steward woke me up to see if I wanted a packet of mixed nuts… you fucking cunt…. So awake I was.

Arrival in HK as usual was uneventful, floated in a daze out of the airport into a train then into a taxi to the hotel, I got to my room around 1am. Still a little buzzed a checked some unsecured porn and called it a night.

I have to mention this. I like my hair when its not being curled by the humidity of Singapore, its nice and wavy and doesn’t look like ive filled it up with product and made it frizzy….

Time to find a coffee and have another smoke, I have a 2 hour session with Finance booked and I’m going to need all my will power not to kill them…

oh and i'm having dinner with the sexy supplier, cant do anything but i can atlease spend some time admiring what i cant have.

Am I a geek

2010-11-29T16:47:00.002+11:00

Hell yes I am, the most exciting thing that happened for me this weekend was downloading Cities XL where I can whittle away the hours playing god to my own little city… what really sucks is that I downloaded it last night and because I’m off to HK tonight won’t get a chance to play with it until next weekend. *sad*

Hong Kong, I’m not even going to try to blog this mission, I tried before and failed miserably, with any luck I’ll have some photos this time of something more interesting than the inside of the plane…My plan is to get as much work done as possible tomorrow, shop hard tomorrow night and cruse through Wednesday for a rowdy dinner and drinking on Wednesday night with a mid morning flight on Thursday…..

That is the plan and we all know none of the above will happen….

At a minimum I’ll get to surf some uncensored porn

2010-11-25T23:10:00.001+11:00

Why do some of my most insightful thoughts filter through my mind in the back of a taxi...

This isn't one of them.....

Albert Einstein was a cross dresser.

2010-11-25T17:11:00.001+11:00

"The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."

idiot

2010-11-24T17:34:00.001+11:00

Have you ever written a message on your hand and forgotten exactly what it meant.

I have “Che 2 trv 77”… (I think that’s what it is) I scribbled it in red pen early this morning while on the phone on the train.

Fucking smartarse I am thinking I’ll remember what it meant….

I’m a broken man

2010-11-24T13:15:00.001+11:00

Last week I broke my little toe, yet the little piggy that went wee wee wee all the way home got snapped.

So picture this, there is a one inch high concrete base that the fridge sits on and has passionately kissed my toe… not once but twice.

Walking through the kitchen I stub the little toe and basically break it by splitting it from the rest and turning it sideways, after a lot of swearing and hopping and swearing is settle down and getting to the rhythm that is the throbbing pain.

30min later I’m again in the kitchen getting some pain killers and on the way out and well what does this big silly fucker do…. yep stubs the same fucking toe making the damage just a little permanent and sending a series of special feeling throughout my body causing me to again hop like an idiot and swear like my life depended on the expletives keeping me alive (I now know how creative I can be in swearing when there is a 4 year old in the room that I don’t want to subject to the double barrel of how I really feel) hopping to the lounge where I try to focus on the damage through watery eyes…

So now I hobble with a limp and the limp is causing my calf to tighten up making me limp a little more.

Fuck I’m feeling special

Subconscious let me have one

2010-11-23T20:26:00.003+11:00

I was in the back of a station wagon at night with the rear window down and a cool fresh breeze blowing in (if you have ever driven a wagon with the rear window down you know you don’t get far before the exhaust fumes get you), I’m not sure who was driving but I could feel the car moving, the seats were not down so we were squeezed next to each other in the back (must have been a fucking big wagon to fit me in the back) no one was in the seat and I think only the driver… maybe a passenger…in the front, music was playing it was a really punchy techno lounge style track that just seemed to keep a great tempo.. anyway I was wearing my billabongs and a speedo under it and she was in a bikini…. White I think…
My description of her is a big vague but the best I can describe her as, is thin with long legs and medium sized boobies… a little less than a hand full (I have big hands) smooth cool skin and long black hair.
We were sitting in the back of the wagon with a thin blanket pulled up to our chins, sitting tight to each other with my arm around her shoulder and her snuggled in to my side, I could feel her warmth and the fabric of her bikini top on my side. Her hand sliding up and down my chest feeling my hair and playing with my nipple ring. My free hand I was letting wander up and down the inside of her legs just lightly stroking the smooth skin gradually getting closer and closer to the crouch of her bikini. Her hand slipped down to my leg and worked its way up to my crouch and lightly feeling the shape of my (surprisingly) very erect “man meat”, (tee hee hee). She shifted position and had moved to sit next to me to undo my shorts, I lifted my hips to drop both my shorts and speedo but she wanted to keep the speedo on. Lowering her head she started nibbling on my member through the tight lycra flicking the tip of my head with her tongue. With both hands free I reached over her back and undid the knot in her bikini top around her neck then the one down her back, I reached under and slid the bikini top out. With a bit of shuffling in the small space we moved so she was now back sitting next to me with her back to the seat her hand still feeling me and my hand now massaging her clit through the fabric of her bikini, I could feel the heat raising from her and slid a finger into the side of her bikini to test the waters, with my other hand I pulled her leg over mine and with her legs wide open I slid my hand down the front and used my fingers to open her up to give my middle finger access to her button. With a tug of the knot on the side of her bikini came undone exposing her to the half light we had in the back of the car. I leaned down and started to lightly lick and probe both sides of her lips with my tongue working up to give her a very light flick with the tip of my tongue, her hand reaching underneath me sliding her hand in and releasing me for her to stroke. Pushing me back down she has positioned herself on top (the size of this wagon seems to be getting bigger and bigger) and the lights catching her breasts as they move slightly with the motion of the car. She slides me up and down her, getting wetter and hotter my tip hitting her button on every stroke the vibration of the road adding just that little more to movement and the occasional bump pushing us tighter together…..

This, I’m sorry is where I woke up… I did have a hard on that you could use to jack up a truck… I think this is what woke me, I gave it a few tugs and funnily enough was aroused enough out of the dream to shoot a load and pass back into blissful sleep.

Television just isn’t funny anymore….

2010-11-22T17:35:00.001+11:00

Surfing the channels lest night I realized that there really isn’t anything funny on any more. I have downloaded as much as I can but even this only goes so far.

I must admit that my viewing outside of documentaries and comedy is limited and it’s a self imposed limit. I just cannot stand any drama/thriller/crime show that involves any form of law enforcement, government agency, hospital, fire or ambulance… this has pretty much dissolved 80% of television for me if I add any form of reality TV then I’m down to 10% and I ignore the news as its now just considered infotainment and there is really nothing for them to report that will have any real relevance to me that I can’t get off a paper of the internet…. Of I’m down to 5% of broadcast content to keep me entertained. There is science fiction and I’m a big consumer of this genre although not through TV, I’ll download and watch this when I’m ready, I also geek it up a little by watching Stargate Universe on my phone on the way to work… but I’ll generally down load the whole season then play it all back, back to back so I get the whole story.

Let’s not for a second think “dawg, you couch loving muda fuka” its not true, I have only a small section of my day where I can sit on my arse and surf the options. The good wife is watching the home and health channel which I call “the fat ladies channel” because every time I walk into the room there is an obese lady crying about something… or even better the shows with families who have 8 or more children or a family of midgets… really how has TV got so bad where we follow someone around with a camera, this is where I lost interest in American Chopper, not that I was a big fan but I like motorcycles and they build motorcycles… simple isn’t it… until I sat through a whole episode where one of the sons and his wife are out looking at real estate for a shop she wants to start…. No fucking motorcycles in that epp, or the next one where they go fishing…. Fuck if I want fishing I’ll watch a fucking fishing show. Sorry lack of coffee is making me stray… I get in about an hour of TV per day, and of this I try to keep it ether light with a comedy or a documentary on something interesting…. I fucking know Hitler was a bad dude but do we really need another documentary on the dead fucker. My interests is more the scientific, buildings, infrastructure of third worlds…. Stuff like that…..

So why the downer on the cop shows, well let’s look at the line up shall we, and this list is just the ones that I have to suffer the commercials for… of this list there would only be 2 that I have had a taste of.

NCIS
NCIS Miami
CSI Vegas
CSI NY
CSI Miami
Law and order SVU
Law and order
Southland
Leverage
Dexter
The wire
Monk
The shield
Hawaii five o
Lie to me
House
ER

And all the rest that involve a main character his unrequited love interest and a lot of busting into houses with their guns out or a car chase that always ends up with the bad guys crashing. The ones that the vital clue turns up 10 min before the end of the show or the guy/girl that did it was the person they interviewed in the first 10 min and its taken them 20 min to work out that it was really them. The other part of the drama I really love is there is never any real trauma when someone gets shot, its just “bang” fall down in a spectacular way followed by some one screaming “officer down officer down” and by some miracle an ambulance pops into reality no matter where they are and instant recovery to be ready to roll in the next epp “hello”…. Oh and look at the photo, I’m not sure who those tow are but they represent 90% of the characters on these shows, good looking, single and dedicated…… fucking tools…

(There are currently two exception to this, Eureka and The Walking Dead, both works of science fiction and not considered a cop drama.)

Sorry for bursting a few fan bubbles on this one but all I want is some light entertainment, can they put all the $$ and effort that they put into this into something not so serious….

Coffee

Lust realized why I’m not finding TV as entertaining, I’m not stoned…. That’s the key…. Fuck well there is something I’m not going to get fixed any time soon so I’ll just need to pull my finger out of my arse and entertain myself….. masturbation any one?

Train ride

2010-11-16T21:43:00.001+11:00

Its monsoon season here in Nov and Dec. So when I left this mornimg the sky was clear. Now its Pissing down. The funny thing is when it rains there are less people on the train....

Mobile philosopher

2010-11-16T19:50:00.002+11:00

Shit, I,m blogging from the phone just to prove how hip and geeky I really am.
On the up side of this insanity, I can take photos and blog them I see it.... just prey I don't see anything interesting in the bathroom

What can you see

2010-11-16T17:14:00.001+11:00

its not me

2010-11-16T12:13:00.000+11:00

Why did you look at me that way?
I have nothing to do with your existence, why look at me with your judging eyes.
Is it because I’m different, is it because someone like me has done wrong by you.

Will that look of loathing last on your face after I have left or is this a permanent state of mind for you.
If you could I’m sure you would spit on me and lash out with some of that pent up anger you are expressing on your face.
So toxic is you stare that even I’m having second thoughts about your sanity and what will trigger you to act on the dark thoughts you are brooding on.

All I want to do is run, like someone who just found a ticking bomb.

employee satisfaction

2010-11-10T16:20:00.001+11:00

You fucking cunts
These people are working in a shit hole
I gave you the cost to pull these people out and give them and environment that they can work in
Now you have cut it down to the point where I’ll only be delivering disappointment

Glad my salary isn’t based on the revenue being generated from these offices because they are about to dip, and dip hard.

Oh and the bitch is still sitting in the meeting room, silly fucker she thought I would fold first…. She has no idea of the levels I’ll go the keep her uncomfortable…. No fucking idea….

And if I catch the dirty prick that is masturbating in the bathrooms he’ll get a big kick in the ball sack, I don’t want to use the toilet where some fuckwit just blew his load…. You’re wondering how I know… well the dumb arse shoots his load on the back of the toilet door and the cleaners complained that staff are spitting on the toilet doors, when I investigated the scene of the crime…. Well you just know what you’re looking at…

BALL SACK
BALL SACK
BALL SACK

Oh and I have to fire one of my staff at the end of the month….